Wishes are dangerous, Kevin vividly recalled Jesse saying once. Be careful of them.
They'd all assumed Jesse was still in the area, when he hadn't come home the next night, although he'd been due at the Brewery and hadn't showed up. When he missed work at Sam's again the next day, a renewed, increasingly frantic search couldn't find him anywhere inside the borders of Janicot Township. A closer look at his room made it quite clear he didn't intend to come back.
Even Flynn couldn't find a wolf who didn't want to be found, outside the immediate area.
The elf slumped on the loveseat in Jesse's room, guilt gnawing at him ceaselessly. It was his fault their wolf-cub had run, he could have done a thousand things other than leave Jess alone and with scent-traces of his automatic reaction. Jesse had too much sense to have anything to do with Avryl had he known that she was part of Rebecca's coven. Who could blame him for turning to someone who was willing to pay attention to him after how much the rest of them had been ignoring him?
The worst ache of all was that he'd done to Jesse what all of Haven had done to him for so long, even after Deanna and Bane got him away from Rebecca: assuming that he hadn't really changed, that he was still capable of old behaviour.
He rested his cheek against the arm of the couch, eyes closed, wishing memories would just stay buried.
* * *
“Hey, Lioren.”
Kevin ignored the deep growl until he'd finished what he was saying to Karl, and only then turned to see who had the nerve to interrupt. With the elementary school, high school, and college all within a couple of blocks of each other, all near the library they shared and that also served the community as a whole, there were a lot of people who could easily be around, just after high school classes had been released for the day. He hadn't thought there was anyone who would take that kind of tone with him, though.
Bane faced them both, the growl still rumbling in his throat, almost subliminally low. Every line of his body broadcast aggression. “Flynn is black and blue from one end to the other, thanks to you, and we had to stay with him last night so he could fall asleep. For that matter, I don't think Cynthia would've been able to fall asleep alone, either. Whatever you did to her didn't leave marks but it was just as bad.”
Kevin shrugged. “Yeah, so? He shouldn't have said what he did about Rebecca. And she shouldn't have said what she did about me defending her. So how about you talk to them about thinking about what they say, instead?”
“What they said wasn't even a fraction of what everyone in Haven thinks of you two and Rebecca. The only reason more people aren't saying it is because you've made it quite clear that you consider it grounds for a temper tantrum and most people are too sick of dealing with that to bother. You feel tough now? Big bad elvenmage, beating on a seer two years younger than you and half your size?”
Karl pulled his lips back from his teeth in a snarl of warning. “You're on thin ice.”
“What, shut up or you'll pound on me, too?” His voice dropped about an octave and half its volume. “You go right ahead and try. If you can manage to make a decision without Rebecca here to do your thinking for you, that is. You don't even have to decide which of you, I'll take you both down right here.”
Bane couldn't seriously believe he had a chance of winning, not against the two of them together.
But then, he deserved whatever he got, for that challenge. What was wrong with people, that they couldn't see Rebecca for what she was? Unlike the rest of Haven, she wanted him to live up to who and what he was, not try to keep the fire dimmed and contained because that made everyone else feel safer. Unlike the rest of Haven, she questioned all the expectations and demands and assumptions that surrounded them on all sides. Why was that so threatening to everyone that they criticized her and insulted her and twisted everything she did?
Kevin understood her, though, and loved her and that wild spirit that couldn't bear cages and collars. She'd told him often enough that he was the only one who did. And that meant it was his job to defend her, no matter what it took, against enemies in any form.
And Bane counted as Rebecca's enemy.
“Oh, beating you is going to be fun,” Karl spat.
The school board discouraged wolves wearing magesilks at school, which meant both wolves had to strip in order to change. Kevin glanced at the early November sun, still high enough to give him plenty of light, and began to gather it together. Let Bane get all the way to furform, it made no difference.
Both wolves kept a wary eye on each other, and shifted virtually simultaneously. Instantly, Karl flung himself at Bane—he could keep Bane busy while Kevin used magic, and this would be over in no time.
Bane wasn't so easily distracted. Mage shields fell under werewolf claws, as did the sandy-blonde wolf, how badly hurt Kevin didn't know, but his fur was streaked with blood, most of it his own. He was on his own now, and unfamiliar fear was waking; though he knew Bane would accept a surrender, knew it was the sensible course, his pride wouldn't allow it.
The battle had drawn an audience; he heard Bryan say, “Should we stop it?” and Lori answer scornfully, “Let them go, maybe Bane can beat some sense into Kevin. Gods know, he won't listen to me anymore.” No way could he surrender with others watching, especially not others who expected him to lose or give up.
Bane was limping, but still on his feet, when he turned on Kevin. Shield after shield he tore down methodically; attack after attack he evaded or destroyed before it could hurt him. He knocked Kevin's legs out from under him, stood over the fallen and exhausted mage, and changed to human form, both hands curled into fists.
“You're a bully, Kevin Lioren, and that's all you'll ever be, and everyone knows it. Stay away from Flynn and Cynthia, got it? If you go anywhere near them, I'll make this look like nothing.”
Bryan pulled Bane back. “Enough, Bane. You won.” He didn't move when Bane turned on him with a warning growl, only dropped his gaze submissively. “There's no point in anything more.”
“He deserves worse for what he did to Flynn and Cynthi.” But it lacked the full force of anger, now, and he let Bryan draw him away.
Kevin wondered whether he had the strength for one last attack, while Bane's back was turned.
Lori strode over to stand next to him, looking down, arms crossed. “Do it and I'll ram it right back down your throat. Give it up, it's over and you lost. Damn it, Kev, I'm one of the last few who believed there's more to you than what you've turned into in the past couple of months, but I'm not even so sure anymore.” There was contempt in her voice, and anger... and pain? No, couldn't be. “Take a nap while I get Mandisa.” He had no defences left, couldn't keep her out of his mind or keep her from shoving consciousness aside.
The world returned in the form of hard ground under him and Deanna kneeling beside him, tears running freely down her cheeks, whispering something. With a little effort, he made out the words. Damn you, wolf, over and over. Yes, Bane definitely deserved that fate.
“I'm okay,” he told her hoarsely. “Becky?”
“Oh, forget Rebecca for two minutes!” she snapped. “You need a healer more than you need her!”
Mandisa, the dryad healer who was Haven's official doctor, was giving Karl a cursory examination and healing, on his far side. She finished with the wolf, and turned to Kevin, her expression devoid of any emotion. She wasn't exactly gentle, her mahogany-skinned hands roaming swiftly down his body, mending anything actually dangerous, overlooking anything less, and she said not a single word to him.
Deanna helped him get home to bed, and curled up beside him.
She cried herself to sleep, and wouldn't tell him why, and wouldn't let him in her mind.
* * *
Invariably, Karl was late for circle; Deanna slumped in the chair, her knees drawn up and her arms wrapped around them, listening in silence while Kevin told Rebecca how he and Karl had challenged a trio of classmates who had made offensive remarks about her.
Rebecca smiled and cupped a hand around his cheek. “My champions.”
“They had no right to say anything like that about you. I bet they won't again,” Kevin said. Rebecca was happy and knew she was appreciated. That was what mattered.
“Tell her the rest,” Deanna said without moving, the first thing she'd said since they'd arrived at Rebecca's apartment.
“It doesn't matter,” Kevin said dismissively.
“The rest?” Rebecca said. “What does she mean?”
“We just got suspended.” Kevin shrugged.
“With a final warning,” Deanna said. “That next time, they will be expelled, and that at that point, it will be up to Katherine and Tomas what to do about Kev, and up to a meeting of the alphas to decide what to do about Karl. Although Kev's mom was already nervous about his gift being so strong and is now so scared of him that she'll probably throw him out of the house before it gets that far. She might do it over this, even. It was in plain sight of a lot of people.”
Rebecca frowned thoughtfully, running a hand absently through Kevin's hair while she reflected on that. “Would it be so bad to just leave here?” she said softly.
Deanna uncoiled, her gaze fixed on Rebecca. “Is that what you had in mind all along? Completely destroy their lives? Destroy every connection to family and friends that they have, so they're absolutely focused on you and only you with no room for anything else? Then what? Gods, Rebecca, what kind of sinkhole do you have inside, that you can only fill by turning a pair of teenage boys into your zombies at the cost of their own futures?”
“Dia, what...?” Kevin began, utterly taken aback.
“Shut up,” Rebecca said, more than a hint of growl in her voice. “For your own sake, Deanna, shut up now.”
“No,” Deanna said. “I've been watching this for four months now. I can't just watch this any more. I want to know. What is wrong with you, that instead of protecting your coven, you abuse them instead?”
“Dia!”
“Shut up,” both Deanna and Rebecca snapped at him, so close together it was nearly a single voice. Kevin looked from one to the other, at a complete loss for what to do. He'd known that Deanna didn't really understand Rebecca; neither did Karl, but he came closer. Dryad nature was, well, what it was. Rebecca's demand for obedience so that she could best protect them, above all protect her too-tempting elvenmage, made sense but more and more lately, Deanna had obeyed only with obvious reluctance.
This kind of outright defiance was something else altogether.
“I already can't reach Karl any more,” Deanna said, sitting forward in the chair. “We grew up together, but you've turned him into someone I don't even know. You're killing everything that's genuinely Kevin, all the laughter and the playfulness and the kindness, by inches, and he won't listen to me because you've got him so convinced that he's your soul mate and your knight in shining armour. And you want me to keep going along with this? Not on your life, Rebecca.”
Rebecca's rising growl alarmed Kevin increasingly. Deanna was his best friend, he couldn't let Rebecca hurt her, if Rebecca lost her temper she'd attack, but he couldn't go against Rebecca either...
“That is enough!” Rebecca stood up and took a step towards Deanna, threateningly.
Kevin saw Deanna shiver, but she refused to lower her gaze, kept her eyes on the alpha bitch's. “No.”
Teeth showing in a snarl, Rebecca untied the ribbon-drawstring of her skirt, and let it fall; her blouse followed immediately. They were all magesilk, Kevin had made them himself, but it underlined the warning and the countdown until...
Rebecca was going to hurt Deanna... no!
An eye-blink before the red wolf lunged, a wall of shimmering crimson spun itself out of the light of the setting sun. Rebecca couldn't stop in time, hit it and was thrown back.
Hackles raised, teeth bared, she turned on Kevin.
“I can't let you hurt Dia,” he told her shakily.
*I do as I please! Now and always!* She advanced on him menacingly; the sunlight was fading fast, but there was enough for him to use for a moment more. What should he do?
He looked at Rebecca, looked at Deanna, and decided, though something inside him screamed at him that he was insane.
He spun the last of the sunlight into a cord, and flung it at Rebecca; it tangled itself around her, and she lost her footing. Snarling in fury, she clawed at it. It wouldn't hold her long.
“We have to get out of here,” Deanna said, bolting to her feet. Kevin slammed the door shut behind them, and threw as much magic into sealing it as he quickly could; that might buy them an extra minute or two. “The pet store's close,” Deanna said breathlessly. “Sam and Bryan will help. Rebecca won't mess with them.”
Kevin nodded mutely.
From inside Rebecca howled, wildly, a summons to Karl. The door shuddered as she threw her full weight against it.
“Quickly,” Deanna added.
They fled across the yard, through ankle-deep snow. Kevin glanced back, as he heard the door give way. Rebecca was racing directly towards them, and he had no illusions about what she might be capable of in this kind of rage. They couldn't possibly reach the pet shop before she caught up. There was probably no one who would let him in the door or who would care if Rebecca killed him—but that wasn't true for Deanna.
“Dia. Get out of here.”
“I can't leave you!”
“Then find help! We can't both outrun her! I'll hold her! Go!”
She hesitated, unwilling to leave him, but she knew as well as he did what their chances were. She ran off across the lawn; he saw her trip on something under the snow, catch herself with a hand on the ground. Then Rebecca got there.
He hated this time of year. Edging up on the winter solstice, night fell so early; there was a waxing moon up there somewhere behind the clouds, but scant light made it through to the ground. That left only electric light to use, and that never worked as well. And the cold, even had he been dressed for it the bitter December cold was an enemy.
Well, at least Deanna would be safe.
Karl's solid shaggy bulk knocked Kevin off his feet. Kevin scrambled to get at least to his knees, threw all he was into weaving the glow of streetlights and outdoor lights into a shield around himself.
It won't hold, it won't hold, I'm having too much trouble concentrating and there's just nothing to use and it's so cold... have to give Dia time to get somewhere safe!
He bowed his head, trying not to think about the snapping teeth held back only by an all-too-fragile barrier of light. They were going to kill him, he was sure of it; there was no hope of anyone being willing to intervene between him and the consequences of his own choices. Possibly, the intense cold would kill him first, which might be a mercy. But the longer he could hold on, the more time Deanna had to find sanctuary.
“Can't we even watch a movie in peace?” someone growled.
Kevin looked up fast.
Bane, with Flynn and Cynthia—and Deanna.
“You've scared them badly enough,” Bane said shortly. “Face it, Rebecca, half your coven just mutinied, you've lost them.”
Rebecca rounded on him, snarling, tail up and ears forward in pure aggressive threat.
Bane sighed. “One on one, then. You and me.”
She hesitated, then abruptly wheeled and raced away, Karl at her heels.
“Thank you,” Kevin whispered.
“I can't believe I just helped you.”
“Leave him alone,” Deanna said fiercely. “Rebecca's been messing with his mind. Kev isn't a bully.”
“Does a damned good impression of one, then.” But his expression softened a little, as he regarded the drained elvenmage still kneeling on the ground. “Still, you know him better than anyone and you're still looking out for him, so I guess there's a chance he's not a completely lost cause. I predict she's going to be waiting for you. So I guess you'd better stay with us for tonight. By tomorrow maybe she'll have cooled down a little.”
Immediate protest from Flynn and Cynthia, both of them watching Kevin as they might a large dog of uncertain temper.
“For one night,” Bane over-ruled them. “If you'd rather, I'll take them home with me, I'm not her to force anyone into anything. I don't blame you, but she's not rational enough to think about what she's doing, she'll kill them.”
Flynn yielded first. “Deanna doesn't deserve that,” he muttered.
And Kevin did. He couldn't have been angry, even if he'd had the energy. He was too surprised help had come at all, and even less would he have expected it from this quarter.
Cynthia sighed, and nodded. “For one night. I suppose if we don't get him inside and fed in a hurry, it's going to become a moot point very quickly. But you,” she glanced at Deanna, “keep him on a leash, would you?”
“Kev won't hurt anybody without Rebecca,” Deanna said stubbornly.
“All right, all right. Come on, then.”
This was Flynn's house, and it was wonderfully warm inside. The seer darted upstairs briefly to warn his mother Isleen of the extra company, and returned to say only that she knew. Kevin interpreted that to mean she wasn't entirely pleased. Flynn did give them his own bed, but left when Kevin came in the room, edging around him and trying to keep as much distance as he could.
Deanna wrapped the quilt from the bed around Kevin, hugging him close against her; he could feel her shivering. She felt warm to him, which was generally not a good sign. “I don't know what to do now. After what happened earlier today, I had to do something but I couldn't think what until I was doing it. She's not what we thought she was at first. Bryan was right when he warned us, there's something very wrong in Rebecca's head, but we couldn't see it.”
“You did.”
“I didn't want to. I wanted her to really be all brave and independent and revolutionary. But she isn't, she's just... broken, somehow. And I think she's broken Karl too and she got awfully close with you and now I don't know what to do and I'm so scared.”
“I couldn't let her hurt you. When she attacked you...” He trailed off. “I don't know. I don't think I'm thinking very clearly, everything feels very slow and sort of foggy. I think I got awfully cold. Most people will help you, anyway.”
“I'm not leaving you. We'll find someone, until we're both okay again. Together. Somehow.”
Bane tapped on the door-frame and handed Deanna a plate with a considerable stack of peanut-butter sandwiches, a couple of bananas, and a large bottle of water with condensation on the outside. “Here, before he dies in Flynn's bed. Kettle's on, I'll bring you hot chocolate in a minute.”
Deanna and Kevin slept snuggled together, finding comfort in not being alone. For tonight, just for tonight, they were safe. Tomorrow, maybe things would seem less dark.
* * *
“Where now?” Kevin wondered. It was morning; Bane's promise of protection had expired. He gave Deanna a crooked smile. “I'm not much use. On top of suddenly not knowing who I am anymore, that temperature drop last night was pretty bad. Makes it hard to think.”
“So I'll do the thinking for both of us, and you'll have to live with the consequences.”
“Sounds fair.”
“What's Rebecca actually likely to do? I really don't think she's going to just lie down and let us go easily. Or, actually, I don't think she's likely to let you go easily. I doubt I really matter much. I bet if I'd just abandoned you and walked away, she wouldn't have cared at all. The problem is, we could find ways to keep me safe from her, but you're the one she's going to come after and that's a problem.” She pulled her knees up to her chest, and wrapped her arms around them. “Face it, Kev, in the last four months you've managed to give yourself a reputation from hell, and no one's going to buy it if we try to blame it all on Rebecca. She was manipulating you something awful, but she was building on what was already there. Just... twisting it.” She sighed. “We all fell for it, not just you, you were just the one she put the most effort into. Will Tomas help you?”
“I rather highly doubt it. He's mad enough at me that he's not likely to disrupt Dmitri's training to bail me out.”
Bane didn't bother to knock, simply pushed the door open.
“Kevin. I want to talk to you. Alone.”
Apprehensively, Kevin got up from the edge of the bed, and followed Bane downstairs to the vacant living room. Where were Flynn and Cynthia and Isleen? Bane settled himself on the couch; Kevin chose the floor, conscious of how sensitive wolves were to non-verbal communication and unwilling to take any chances on antagonizing.
“What are you planning on doing now?”
“Dia was trying to figure that out when you came in. Rebecca's not really going to care what she does. Just what I do. And I have no idea.”
“Do you really think you can stand up to Rebecca alone?”
Wearily, Kevin shrugged. “No. Doesn't look like there are any other options. I've managed to alienate pretty much everyone in Haven really quickly, no one will help me. She won't kill me if she's calmer. She was just madder than I've ever seen her, last night.”
“Half a dozen senior alphas are talking to her this morning and warning her that she's going too far, and that she's about to have most of the wolves in Haven come down on her for it. Non-interference has limits.”
“Well, that might slow her down for a while.”
“How long are you seriously likely to stay away from her?”
“I don't know. She's very good at saying things in ways that are extremely convincing and by this point, she knows an awful lot of my buttons that she can push to get reactions. And what am I going to do anyway? Wander around Haven with no coven until a predator notices the completely unprotected elvenmage and decides that it's worth the risk? There's no wolf in Haven other than her and Karl that's going to want me around. At least Dia will be safe.”
“Deanna's loyalty to you is common knowledge—it's protected you from more consequences of your actions than you think. Do you really think she'll stand back and let you go back to Rebecca?”
“I don't know, probably not. I don't know, I don't have answers for any of this. What do you want, anyway? You helped us, the rest is our problem.”
“What I want,” Bane said calmly, “is to know just what's left of you that's really you, and if there's enough of who you were before September to be worth trying to save. Frankly, I'm not sure either way, but don't ask my coven-mates that question, you won't like the answer.”
Kevin stared at him. “Why would you care?”
“I have my reasons. What's left of you, Kevin Lioren?”
That conversation lasted a very long time. Despite his brusqueness, Bane wasn't entirely unsympathetic, which made it easier to talk.
Words wound down into silence. Kevin waited, empty inside of all feeling, completely numb.
Bane slid off the couch to kneel in front of him, and cupped a hand under Kevin's chin to raise his head so he could meet him eye to eye.
“You've managed to dig yourself into one hell of a hole, mage,” the wolf said gently. “And despite my better judgement, I don't have the heart to leave you in it. If you promise me, no more bullying, you'll try to get yourself all untangled, then I'll do all I can to help you.”
Caught completely off-stride, Kevin whispered, “I promise.”
“Up until now has been the easy part,” Bane said. “Now comes the hard part.”
* * *
Oh, so true, Bane, Kevin thought. The hard part. And it's never ended, in some ways. I'm such a hypocrite. I came down hard on Jess, but I'm the most like him. If Coven Sundark ever broke, would I go back to Becky? I'm not sure I'd have a choice. And I'm certainly in no position to say anything about irrational behaviour. I set new records. Gods, why they put up with me then I'll never know, I don't think they do either. He got up, wandering restlessly. It had taken so long to persuade Flynn and Cynthia to even be around him without Bane or Deanna or Lori present, though he'd been careful every instant not to do anything that could be threatening, and he'd failed spectacularly at that last a time or two. It had taken even longer to learn to think for himself again, and learn what was him and what was Rebecca's manipulation. He'd tried so desperately to reassure everyone that he wasn't what they thought he was and prove himself worth the faith Deanna and Bane and Lori placed in him. He and Deanna had healed, and Coven Sundark was born of the bonds woven in the doing.
Jess had been dragged, all-unknowing, into their war; he'd survived and in doing so made himself another target for Rebecca's revenge. The one person who should best know, had walked neatly into Rebecca's trap and closed it for her.
Gods, Jess, I'm so sorry, please please come home. Anyone can change, and I really believe you have, I was such an idiot... You're my brother, you're the little brother Mom never gave me, and you need a brother so bad...
A brother you can count on, anyway.
Wearily, Kevin turned away, and went back to his own room.