Light spilled out the window above them; he heard someone moving inside, heard the door open, heard a voice say Bane's name questioningly.
The alpha wolf raised his head, whined an answer, and the screen door opened as well. The scent was familiar, though stronger and richer now, but he couldn't immediately place either it or the voice that laughed softly. “Wolf-cub's home, hm?”
The alpha wolf untangled himself, stretched lazily, and shifted. “After an adventure or twenty, I'd say,” he said, amused.
“Looks it. He doesn't even look black, there's so much mud.”
“Go back to sleep, Jess. I have to go to class.”
He shrugged to himself, rearranged himself more comfortably. Whatever; sleep was what he wanted to do anyway.
He heard the van pull out, but registered it as a harmless sound and paid no attention.
When he next woke, everything was quiet, and the sun was far enough to the west to be creeping under the porch roof.
He got to his feet, shook himself heavily. It made sense to change to human and go inside, but somehow that felt so final, like he was making the choice of houses over woods. He had a drink from the fountain, went out of the yard to relieve himself, and prowled restlessly around. What should he do?
The other wolves had been so happy when he'd called to them, when he'd joined them... wasn't this where he belonged?
He looked longingly towards the north gate that led out to freedom and wildness, but sighed and shifted to human, and opened the unlocked door. That made him smile: it was certainly safe to leave the door open: who was stupid enough to venture it with a big black wolf lying there?
The kitchen was warm, welcoming; he got a glass of juice, noted impersonally that his hands were a mess, his nails cracked and dirty, small cuts decorating them. Come to think of it, the rest of him was a mess, too. Not at all good for his vanity. He finished the juice, set the glass in the sink, and made his way through the house to his and Kevin's bathroom.
His reflection in the mirror made him wince. He'd definitely gone wild, although at least Liam's trick for stopping hair growth meant it wasn't as alarming as it could have been. He could think about things after he was clean.
The hot shower felt wonderful, washing away the mud and grime; his hair was more of a problem. It took considerable amounts of shampoo to get it clean, then even more conditioner and a lot of muttered curses to comb the tangles and the burrs out.
Still naked but feeling much better, he went to his room, crossed the floor to the mirror. A decided improvement, although his left ear was torn, the silver moon earring Flynn had given him missing. Probably lost beyond all finding out in the forest somewhere. Yet the silver ring Gisela had given him remained on his right hand, and the chain around his neck; where had they been while he was a wolf? Lost in the depths of his fur? His skin was mottled all over with bruises and scratches and small cuts, none of them more than superficial, but they made him look like...
Like I've been living in the forest for... how long, anyway?
Back in civilization, the balance was shifting, away from his wolf instincts and the inclination to live entirely in the present.
I can change into a wolf. I just spent god-knows how long mostly as a wolf. I really did.
Whatever I am, Bane is too, and they knew, they never told me...
Whoa, cool it, Jess. How exactly did you expect them to tell you? “Hey, Jess, by the way, you're a werewolf”?
Jesus. I'm a werewolf. I'm a fucking werewolf.
Funny, the movies never mention how much fun it is. I guess they weren't made by anyone who would know.
Well, I don't feel any different, really, other than sort of stunned, which I guess makes sense. How are you supposed to feel when you find out you're a werewolf? I know I don't feel particularly evil, and I didn't get any overpowering urges to kill anybody, so werewolves are probably about as evil as witches and gays.
Wonderful. All in one house, a witch and an elf and a dryad and two werewolves.
Full moons obviously aren't necessary. Silver isn't bothering me any. Hm, if Bane and Bryan are both werewolves, and I know very well they both are although I don't know how I recognized Bryan, does that mean it's hereditary? One of my unknown parents was a werewolf? And it isn't the usual half-man, half-wolf thing, it's all the way into a wolf. The same as a normal wolf? What do I know about wolves?
Please, please, somebody come home so I can get some answers!
He glanced at the clock: over an hour before they'd finish classes.
Okay, I guess I'm going to have to see what I can figure out by myself, now that I'm thinking. That was really weird, I was still me, but I was thinking such a different way. If that's always going to happen, I'm not sure I like that. I'd rather be able to think the same always.
Only one way to find out.
He sat down in front of the mirror, took a deep breath.
Come on, Jess, you've done this a hundred times in the last few days. You can always change back. Do it!
He closed his eyes, concentrated on the feeling of four feet and fur.
This time, he was more conscious of the sensation, of pain and pleasure twining together into a single feeling, neither one as powerful as the first time. He'd felt something like that, sometime before venturing out of the house in the moonlight; when?
He chickened out of looking, kept his eyes closed until he was completely wolf.
Cool, I'm a black wolf.
It really does feel neat, kinda strange but neat. Having a tail is really weird. I'm not going to think rude jokes right now.
Hey, I'm not thinking different this time.
He contemplated his own reflection. Very shaggy fur, and it looked heavier yet around his neck and shoulders, something like a lion's mane. That would make it awfully hard for anything to hurt him there. Not absolute black, though, there were lighter markings, mainly on his face. His eyes looked strangely gold, was that just because his colour sight worked differently? It faded, slowly, even as he watched. Maybe not.
He stretched, watching himself, and decided he made a very attractive wolf, midnight fur shining in the sunlight now that it was clean. Right now, though, he had some thinking to do. He shifted back to human, got up—he'd have to puzzle out position equivalents later—and went to the closet. His jeans and a T-shirt made him feel a little more normal. He curled up in one corner of the loveseat, trying very hard to track down the elusive memories of that sensation. So strong he'd thought he'd be torn apart... a glimpse of a woman with red hair and a mocking smile... it had to be during his missing days, the time immediately before waking up with Kevin there, because he didn't think it came from his missing early years.
He was still worrying at that when he heard the van pull in—not that he'd ever been able to hear it before, but then, his senses were still almost as keen as they were when he was a wolf.
Not long after, Bane knocked on the open door. “Can I come talk?”
“Please.”
The alpha wolf perched on the window-seat nearer to Jess.
“I'm guessing the first thing you want to know is if anyone knew and if so why no one told you.”
“I think I figured out part of the story, but that piece I'm missing. I have a hunch it has something to do with the redhead with the attitude, and that it's connected somehow with the fact that someone broke an addiction for me that I couldn't make myself shake alone, and to something Gisela said once about sometimes healing someone like she did me leaves side-effects. I don't think she meant fixing my hand. I think there's something in my missing couple of days that you've all known all along and not told me.”
Bane smiled, and Jesse picked up a scent that the back of his mind translated as approval and affection, though he was too on-edge to really respond to it. “You do a good job, for a puzzle with missing pieces. And you're right.”
“Why?”
“Slow down, let me explain. We were truly trying to do what was best for you, Jess. I'm not sure we didn't make a mistake, but we had good intentions.”
“The road to hell...”
“I'm aware of that. Well. Being a wolf has nothing to do with being bitten, in a literal sense.”
“I think if you're being bitten by a wolf you've got worse things to worry about.”
Bane chuckled at that. “True. Wolves are another race, like elves and dryads. However, wolf blood can be passed on latent, asleep, indefinitely. What wakes it is power-sharing with a fully active wolf.”
“And this thing the redhead wanted me to do, sitting in a circle with her and some other people, that was like the circles you do every week. Power-sharing. And someone there was a wolf.”
“I suppose technically it's much the same,” Bane said distastefully. “Although it might be better to say it's the difference between rape and love. The redhead is Rebecca, she's a wolf, and the elvenmage and the witch from her coven were there too. Rebecca has a long-standing grudge against Sundark, the reason isn't currently relevant but she seriously hates us. When a latent wolf's wolf side is awakened, it creates incredible amounts of power for a short time. Rebecca used that to attack Kev and Dia and I while we were alone.”
“I don't think I like her. What happened?”
“Flynn warned Kev in time for him to shield us. Kev lost his temper, which he fortunately rarely does these days, and hit back with everything he had. Rebecca threw you in the middle, which protected her and her coven but damned near killed you.”
“I would imagine so, I've seen what he can do when he's just messing around. This is where Gisela comes in.”
“Yes. We weren't about to leave you to die. We tracked you down, and Kev gated Gisela and Flynn there fast. Gisela lost you briefly, I figured that was it, but that fool mage jumped in, in the middle of the night after already mostly draining himself, and somehow the two of them managed to drag you back. That is what left you linked, all three of you. Not the way a coven is linked, it's pretty faint and pretty deep, but I rather doubt it's going to break.”
“Uh-huh. Suddenly I understand a lot of little things. That still doesn't explain why nobody just told me all this. Maybe not when I first woke up, I would've been out of there awful damned quick, but you've had like over six months of me in and out. Christ, this time alone I've been here for a month or more.”
Bane was silent for a moment. “Rebecca hurt you very badly, I just told you that. Even Gisela with Kev backing her couldn't mend the damage much beyond getting you back to safe ground, and there was no reason to think any other healer could do more. We weren't sure if it would ever heal completely, and we were afraid we were going to have to tell you, well, sorry, Jess, you could've come run with the wolves except there's too many psychic scars, you won't ever be able to. I, at least, was quite sure you'd never heal.” He chuckled softly. “Which at first I saw as a good thing, but Kev talked me into putting up with you past the day I picked up your scent in my room, and at some point I started hoping you'd heal, instead. I didn't realize at first just how guilty Kev felt about it, or how upset he was over the idea of you never healing completely. Actually, I'm not sure it completely hit me until I saw just how relieved he was when I told him you'd changed. So. We waited. I suppose we should've told you at the very least that there are wolves around, and I think I would've soon since you already knew about pretty much everything else. That's what I meant about good intentions.”
“If you'd told me wolves existed, I would've figured it out for myself.”
“Oh?”
“Lots of hints. Dreams... stuff like that. I couldn't possibly have not put the two together. I'm good at lying to myself sometimes, but I'm not that stupid.”
“Nobody thinks you're stupid.”
“I suppose half of Haven was in on this. I'm not sure if I'm flattered everybody thought it was worth the effort or supremely pissed off at the whole bunch of you.”
“You do have a perfect right to be.”
Both fell quiet again.
“So,” Jess said. “I'm a werewolf. Wouldn't that freak Shaine out something fierce. What don't I know about being a werewolf?”
“A lot. That's going to take some time to learn.”
“Major points.”
Bane shrugged. “Our first responsibility is to protect. There are things out there that feed on psychic energy, and even Kev can't protect himself. Wolves can fight them, though, and we do, even though it means getting hurt sometimes. I can't think of any incident of a wolf smelling a predator in range and not attacking it. That was how I met Flynn, in fact: he'd just come to Haven, had no clue, was out wandering around. He almost got munched, but I killed it and then scared him half to death by changing to human.” He grinned. “He smelled like a seer, he was in Haven, how was I to know he'd never seen a wolf before?”
That was a fun thought, especially since nothing ever seemed to surprise Flynn. “There can't possibly be enough wolves to protect everybody. And you can't be with everyone at once.”
“The coven-link protects. If they killed me, Kevin would be first, Cynthia second, and Deanna and Flynn for dessert. Mages and very strong gifted and witches tend to attract, and any coven with that kind of concentrated power will always have a wolf in it. Weaker covens might not, though, and solitaries aren't taking an insane risk by staying solitary. You're right, it wouldn't be possible to protect everyone individually. Mostly we defend the area. Haven is collectively the territory of every wolf who lives here, and predators are intruders—there's a whole lot more I'll need to explain about territoriality. That keeps them too wary to venture in very often. Once in a while they get someone, but it's very rare, and usually they have to be begging for it like Flynn was. Predators aren't as common these days as they apparently used to be, either. I think I could live with it if they became extinct.”
“Then they wouldn't need wolves anymore,” Jess pointed out, with a hint of mischief.
That made Bane laugh, and lean back against the wall. “There's that. They'd never put up with all our quirks if they didn't need us. Of course, we wouldn't have so many if we could live like we're meant to. There are a crazy number of us living in what for wolves is very close quarters, a territory of a few dozen square miles, whereas one pack of wild wolves can have a hundred square miles. Tame food is fine, but without wild food once in a while we get sick, so we have to be always careful about hunting—it helps that no one else can hunt around here and the witches and dryads keep things healthy and wildlife filters in from farther away to fill the gaps eventually, but still. Having to deal with so many other wolves can get extremely stressful. The price of keeping our friends safe is that we get forced into behavioural patterns that just aren't natural for us. Some deal with it better than others. Mostly, we learn not to need a lot of sleep, and we spend days being civilized and go play at night. Some people are more understanding than others, too.”
That conversation continued for quite some time, Bane obligingly answering every question Jess could come up with, until Bane told him Kevin said supper was ready.
Mage and witch greeted Jess with undisguised relief that he was home, as the two wolves joined them at the table.
“Were you having fun for the last two weeks?” Kevin asked.
“I was gone that long? Shit, Shaine's going to kill me, that means I've been here for over six weeks. Yes, actually, I did have fun. But I think I'll stick with civilization for now.”
Bane chuckled, and handed Jess the plate of steak. “You were gone right through Beltaine and on into May. There's a reason we let them halfway tame us. Hot showers and food you don't have to catch and clean beds being important points.”
“So I discovered. I think maybe this is really home.”
“We've been trying to tell you that,” Kevin said.
“I didn't say I'm staying here for good.”
“Oh, for... how much more proof that you belong here do you want?”
“The fact that I'm a werewolf and there are wolves in Haven does not mean I belong here.”
“Cool it, phoenix,” Bane growled.
Kevin heaved a sigh, and reached for the pitcher of fruit punch. “So what is it going to take?”
“I think maybe I'm going to go back to Shaine for a while. I always come back, you should know that by now. But I need to think, and he is my friend. I guess... there's too many loose ends.”
“It's your choice,” Cynthia said. “Your room's always here waiting, but this isn't a prison.”
“No. It's just the only safe place I know, where anybody actually cares. I'll go in a couple of days, once I feel a bit more grounded in reality.”
“Not until Gisela gets a chance at the mess you made of your ear,” Bane said. “She can fix it, healers get used to fixing ears for us. And not until we have the party to end all parties. We can't have a party to celebrate your being fully wolf without you here, can we?”
Oh, good god, not another party! Didn't they ever stop?